Surviving selecting the unfriend option on Facebook comes with many different emotions. Many times it is easy to let go, other times it is not.
Easy To Let Go:
- The Facebook drama queen or king
- It is all about them boring Facebook shit
- The political idiot
- The gamer
- The pervert on Facebook
- Those who argue with you and everyone else
You get the picture, and I know there are more.
Harder to Let Go:
- Family members you will see in person
- Real friends who have taken a path you don’t take
- A friend of someone you do care about and unfriending would/could cause an awkwardness
- People you hold on to because you just are not ready to let go
The last reason in the “harder to let go” section is what I am really writing about this time.
Once upon a time I had a friendship with someone, a deep friendship going back years. I knew from the beginning she liked bubbly in a bottle a lot. Then she married someone who liked booze in a bottle a lot too and over the years the bottles in their lives were more important than anything or anyone else in their lives.
Things happened over the years that waved big flags but we lived miles apart. Stories came out as if they were funny happenings.
- Dropping a baby down the stairs because of having too much to drink.
- Sleeping through a crying baby because of being passed out.
- Driving a teenager to work at McDonald’s while drunk many times.
- Dropping lit cigarettes on the floor because passing out in front of the TV was what? Normal?
I tried intervening. Part of the family visited me in another city asking for my help. I had many talks with both of them. I tried a second intervention. Nothing worked.
The second intervention attempt was when the friendship truly started to unravel. I was punished for trying to get them both to stop drinking by being put on a “friendship schedule” of when we could talk and how long we could talk. Then texts started to go unanswered, emails were unanswered and probably not read, she did not read my blog even though she knew it was important to me. My wonderful husband, who saw and heard most of their stories, told me I was being emotionally abused. I see that now. Why did she punish me? A therpist friend explained it best. My BFF couldn’t admit I was right about their drinking problems and that made me the person to be angry at, because it was easier.
One day I blogged about my feelings and in less than an hour she answered me in a reply. She never would have seen that blog on her own. I knew her daughter had seen it and had told her to read it. This fall I was finally able to let go of her daughter as a friend on Facebook. It was way past time. I had held on because holding on provided a connection – I reached a point where I did not want the connection any longer.
Connections have to go two-ways, whether in the virtual world of Facebook or for real.