Surviving Unfriending People on Facebook

We have a lot of options on Facebook for hiding people for various reasons on Facebook.

  • We can hide their posts by choosing the drop down arrow to the far right of their post and take it off our newsfeed.
  • We can actually go to their personal timeline wall and using our mouse we can hover over the word “friends” and there is a choice there we can choose.  The Facebook default auto sets it to “See in Newsfeed” with a check mark.  Uncheck this and poof they won’t show up in your newsfeed any more.
  • We can unfriend someone from this same drop down menu in the second choice here.
  • We can report and block someone there too.


I rarely want to have to resort to the last two choices for many reasons.  First of all I vet people from the get go on Facebook.  If I cannot find info about them from their wall due to their security, I will use other means.  If we have mutual friends I will check with my friends.  If we do not, I may email them and ask why they want to connect.  I have also Googled people too.

I also live in a small community so if it is a local person I try really hard to be nice BUT if they cross the line they have to go.

Recently I had a big error in judgement.  I had been virtual friends with a woman from the Midwest for quite a while.  After about a year of being friends I asked her if she would be an admin on a breast cancer page I have because she seemed to be well-connected with people who post lovely quotes and thoughts and I felt she would be an asset to the page.

She was, you can unfurrow your brows.  The page posts she did were good.  Her comments were good.  The only thing I ever had to say to her was to pull back on the amount of posts because over-posting causes unlikes to pages.

I had an opportunity to meet her because we were both attending an event for a week and when the week was over I shared with my other admins on the page that I would have to be removing her because there were just too many instances of inappropriate comments and too many complaints from others that she made them uncomfortable.  I felt bad but this is a clear example that we can all be fooled in virtual friendships.

Unfortunately when we got back home she started to post her experiences from the event and they were inappropriate.

I have a page reputation to maintain and I had to remove her as an admin on the page, she had broken trust.

We were still friends and I really did not want to unfriend her but then complaints started coming to me in private messages that she was friend requesting my friends, and they were uncomfortable with her “inquisitiveness” once they accepted her.  My answer to them was the same answer to myself, put on your big girl panties and unfriend her.  I took the plunge.

Sometimes you have to just do it…..and really I do not like to do it but as my former partner said about her “There are people (like her) who like to be a victim.  It gets them attention even though it is negative attention.”

Yes there are times when you need to unfriend someone for good reasons, this was one of those reasons.

How about you?  What pushes your buttons to hit the unfriend choice?






  • Your post title caught my attention. It sounds like you did what was necessary in this case. I’ve only unfriended one person in the past couple years, and that was due to their status. I thought to myself, ‘if I wouldn’t tolerate this in person, why tolerate it on facebook?’ And that was that. It was a shame, because I got along with this person, but they were way too outspoken on values I could not agree with. So that was that!

    Good on you for taking action, even when it was uncomfortable. ~Catherine

  • Suzanne says:

    Your post cought my attention cause I had to unfriend a women, who I was a day before hoping to add her as friend.

    I have a support group, and her first post after beeing a member was about nutrition what to eat and what to avoid. I told her that such suggestion were not welcome in the group, as the purpose of the group wasn’t about that, and when she react agressively, I message her that the member being very sick were vulnerable and that I didn’t want to allow her doing such suggestive posts. She quit the group in a bad manner.

    Not long after I realized she was posting on her wall, my name, the name of my group, and saying very rude and nasty comments about us. My group being “my baby” since 3 long years it was very hurtfull to read the 69 comments her “friends” answer her on her wall.

    I unfriend her. Moreover I had to message to a member who was friend with her to unfriend her or quit the group, as I couldn’t keep a member being friend with someone who hate the group at that point. She understood (she didn’t knew about it untill I explain her) and she unfriend her too.

    It has been quite a surprise too. She is in a lot of media because of her status (stage IV bc patient). I don’t regret my decision at all, putting my big girl pants was the thing to do.

    Stage IV IBC
    Admin of Si-Fortes, french support group for IBC/BCmets women.

    • admin says:

      Hello Suzanne I sent you a private email response in case you don’t see it – it might go to your spam.

      I appreciate everything you said and I would have done the same thing.


  • admin says:

    Hi there – you were here, you didn’t say anything – it’s safe…..:-) I am with you on the Friends post you did.


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