Surviving Emotional Chest Pain

Emotional chest pain is something I have had since the day Larry had his stroke.  I would sub-consciously find myself rubbing my breast bone and usually because my brain knew I was trying to alleviate the pain, it worked.

It never frightened me, it was just my heartbreak coming to the surface whenever I was triggered by a memory that shot me like an arrow down deeper into my grief wilderness.

The Accelerated Resolution Therapy I had helped greatly with this pain until yesterday when I started to go through old photos to make an album of us to share with my grief counselor and on social media with friends.

I found a photo I did not remember.  It was taken 15 years ago and when I saw it I know I stopped breathing for a moment.  Seeing that look in his eyes, that smile on his face broke my heart all over again.

Last night I allowed myself to be upset as I thought about my appointment with a new Cardiologist today.  I am all alone.  I have no one to go through the tougher things in my life with me including any devastating medical diagnosis.  When I got to the appointment my blood pressure was elevated because I was worried.  It all went well, I am fine.  I am healthy.  My heart is great and the doctor was awesome.

I also gained a few pounds and that is going to change starting next week.  Next week, why wait?  Yes, next week because I have some tough times to deal with this week, and I am spending the weekend with family members at Daytona and then Disneyworld.  I know I have to do better with my health because I am alone.  It is very scary to be alone.

I will be better for this man.

The love of my life.


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