Emotional chest pain is something I have had since the day Larry had his stroke. I would sub-consciously find myself rubbing my breast bone and usually because my brain knew I was trying to alleviate the pain, it worked.
It never frightened me, it was just my heartbreak coming to the surface whenever I was triggered by a memory that shot me like an arrow down deeper into my grief wilderness.
The Accelerated Resolution Therapy I had helped greatly with this pain until yesterday when I started to go through old photos to make an album of us to share with my grief counselor and on social media with friends.
I found a photo I did not remember. It was taken 15 years ago and when I saw it I know I stopped breathing for a moment. Seeing that look in his eyes, that smile on his face broke my heart all over again.
Last night I allowed myself to be upset as I thought about my appointment with a new Cardiologist today. I am all alone. I have no one to go through the tougher things in my life with me including any devastating medical diagnosis. When I got to the appointment my blood pressure was elevated because I was worried. It all went well, I am fine. I am healthy. My heart is great and the doctor was awesome.
I also gained a few pounds and that is going to change starting next week. Next week, why wait? Yes, next week because I have some tough times to deal with this week, and I am spending the weekend with family members at Daytona and then Disneyworld. I know I have to do better with my health because I am alone. It is very scary to be alone.
I will be better for this man.