Across time and throughout our lives we have often had to face the realities that something in our lives in not working any longer. I can think all the way back to high school when it was just “easier” to let a boyfriend break up with you. Maybe some of us just don’t want the drama, maybe we just really don’t want to hurt someone, I don’t know I am sure there are a lot of reasons any of us have done this.
As we go through life and we create any type of relationship we always seem to know when things are changing. Many times we hang in there hoping for change maybe or possibly because we don’t want to give up.
I look at the relationships I had in high school and the boyfriends too. It was easier to leave relationships then because we were young and our lives were going to change. There was college, moving on to a career in a different town, new friends, new boyfriends or girlfriends and a feeling of course that we were invincible.
Many of us would marry and have children and the dynamics of relationships would change again. It’s the circle of life – and life changes.
I have written in the past about how my single friends have a more “all about me” attitude in life. This is only natural, they have not really had to share a lot and I have found that those women who never raised a child seem to have lost that “warm and fuzzy” part of themselves. I believe it existed but mothering in most cases does make us more patient and more outward with affection. I know there are exceptions to my observations but for me, it is what I have seen.
Then there is divorce. Divorce always comes as shocking news when we reveal we are getting one. Those of us who have been divorced know how different people reacted. Reactions aside, most of us who decide to divorce did not decide that overnight. People say it in anger or when their inhibitions have been altered. I sat through an evening on a porch one summer listening to 1/2 of a married couple stating that a divorce was immenent. It has not happened.
In my own family there have been several recent divorces and a lot of thought was poured into one, and the other one was a walk away where only one person got to think.
Recently I had a couple of questions thrown at me in comment form electronically so I could not assess the emotions involved. I had to take a deep breath because I wasn’t going to get into why I did what I did. It is just again one of those moments in life where it was easier to let someone else make the decision to take different paths. We wore each other out, it wasn’t one-sided, it never is.
A choice like this is not easy, but I am sure when the dust has settled relief will settle in or it may have already. I am not sharing any facts or reasons with anyone in my life because actually no one knows or needs to know. I think now that what’s done, is done, it is better if I am the bad guy.
I have been writing a lot recently about communication, and I know that when it breaks down the demise of many relationships is in the wind.
Good communication is vital – it’s the life blood of a relationship.
This is my answer to the person who asked in whatever spirit it was asked – we went in different directions, had a communication breakdown and we wore each other out. Oh, and Neil Sedaka was right.