What I Know For Sure-Being Sick is Humbling

March 11 2010

I do not get sick very often.  I have not thrown up in years till last night that is.  I did have a round of bronchitis 2 years ago that put me flat on my back in bed for about 5 days.

It pisses me off to be sick in bed.  I have things to do.  I have a house to keep clean, blogs to write, tweets to twitter, FB to update, two businesses to stay on top of, and more. 

Then as I lie here in a pity party I always find myself remembering that the way I feel right now is nothing compared to what people who are REALLY sick feel.  That’s called an attitude adjustment.  I bring myself out of my pity party and just lie here waiting for this virus to take off out of me and leave me alone.

Having been an Oncology nurse I have seen patients in the ravages of chemo therapy induced illness.   I get a miniscule idea of how they really feel with alternate bouts of vomiting and diarrhea.

I chastise myself because whatever I have is momentary and I should feel a lot better tomorrow.

When I do get sick though I am reminded my body is starting to show signs of wearing down.  I have aches and pains and morning stiffness I never had before.  I have a bladder that doesn’t behave all the time, and I was recently diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes.  Yes things are wearing down.  I also know I live in an awesome time if incredible medical discoveries.  I know that my mother was so much older when she was my age.  I know I am not 45, but I don’t look my age either.  However I have been through age discrimination.

It is a blow to your brain to realize that you body is trying to end your life.  I dealt with that feeling once before with breast cancer almost 17 years ago.  Diabetes is another reminder that 100 years ago I would have gone undiagnosed and died an early death.

My genetic health report card spells out that I have many different auto-immune diseases.  At age 40 my thyroid jumped ship, at age 46 my stomach no longer absorbed B-12 another auto-immune process.  Now Type 2 Diabetes has happened one more auto-immune process.  There are worse.  I can be thankful for that.

This year I had the BRCA 1 and BRCA 2 genetic testing for breast and ovarian cancer.  I was so relieved to find out I did not carry the mutation meaning I cannot pass on a gene to my children.  How do you spell relief?  Get the test, but relief was short-lived because Type 2 Diabetes is genetic.  My father had it.  My mother’s brother had it.  Uh oh.

I got it even though I am weight and height proportionate, and work out regularly.  Now I take medication and I know eventually I could need more medication.

Decidedly it is better to know than not know, but yes being sick is very humbling.  Especially when I learned that a dear friend’s sister died today from a very rare cancer, and it wasn’t a pleasant death.

Tomorrow when I wake I will take a shower and probably feel almost back to normal for now.  I do not expect my number to be punched in the near future.  I just realize this is the beginning of other things that will happen and I will have to learn to accept the changes and deal with them as they come.

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