Surving the phony people in life and business isn’t really that hard to do.
- Don’t attend the same events and if you do smile nicely say hello and get the hell away from them.
- Facebook – unfollow them. They are usually uber-posting annoying people anyway.
- Twitter – unfollow them there too.
- Don’t connect on LinkedIn, don’t pin on Pinterest etc.
- Don’t take their offers of doing things for free as tempting as it is
- Don’t enable them with compliment after compliment – you are creating a monster
- Say no – it’s probably one of the kindest things to do for them.
I took a long hard look at several women I know who are at the top of the food chain in their businesses. I watched what they do with the phony people, they use them. Sounds bad but in reality phony people are always kissing up. They give gifts. They do work for free. They are the first to raise their hands and volunteer. They hold events and donate money raised to your cause. You are hurting them.
There are very genuine people who do all these things too, but let’s separate the genuine from the phony people.
Genuine people don’t want or need public thanks or praise. They give from the heart and many times they do it all anonymously. Phony people need public thanks and they crave praise. They “allow” themselves to be used and they are ok with it because it is part of their master plan. Their master plan includes what trickles down from others in the form of compliments. It also includes the building of their self-esteem which is also phony. They are not building it the proper way. Worse yet they are using you too! Yes they are – they are manipulating you for their own personal gain.
You might be saying “a lot of people do that, I have even done that at one time or another.” The key phrase is “one time or another”. Phony people do it all the time. It’s a habit, an addiction.
Sadly because phony people have a master plan they can also be very nasty. The niceness everyone sees is a mask and it’s hard work to always be so saccharin sweet. In fact it’s exhausting. They get so wiped out they have to re-energize and many times they do this by crying on the shoulders of a friend who hasn’t seen the phony part of them yet. They are good. In fact many give award-winning performances.
Here are 4 things they all do so you can decide who stays, who goes, or whom you ignore:
THEY SMILE ALL THE TIME:
What is it about people who constantly smile — even when it’s way past the point of appropriate — that is so terrifying? Smiles usually elicit such a warm, calming response in other human beings. The need to constantly present an “everything is awesome, this is great, as long as I keep smiling you can’t say anything” kind of attitude is one that says, on some level, “I am smiling at you because you will think I am wonderful and tell the world.”
THEY GIVE BACKHANDED COMPLIMENTS:
“This food is delicious, did you get it catered?”
What is better than starting off any social gathering with a nice, warm backhanded compliment smushed all over your face like a giant handful of cotton candy because remember their words are sticky sweet? Nothing!
THEY ARE EXTREMELY PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE
What’s wrong with that phony person? Oh, nothing. They’re fine. Don’t worry about them. They don’t have a single care in the world, they’re just going to make you tear and pry at them because their actions are telling the world that something is so wrong and they need validation.
THEY TALK BEHIND EVERYONE’S BACKS – and they have talked about you (to me).
The thing about gossip is, no matter how much you enjoy it in the moment (and we all kind of have our ugly moments of saying something nasty about someone that we wouldn’t say to their faces), you know it is probably happening behind your back, too. My phony person actually did something in front of me, she did not mean for me to see it, I did though and from that moment on she became “friend non grata” to me.
THEY DO THINGS TO CALL ATTENTION TO THEMSELVES AND FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS
Sadly this is a learned behavior probably dating back to a miserable childhood. Something is really screwed up in their lives. It could be emotional, it could be physical. Whatever it is, they are going to go through life giving, doing, creating, etc and they will crash and burn. Not everyone can possibly maintain a phony attitude day in and day out. They have a motive but it’s just all so wrong. If they were genuine they would get much further. They are not though, they allow themselves to be used but in reality they are using people too. They have an agenda – don’t be on their “to-do” list.