I really did not think when I wrote my original blog post about surviving the narcissist that there would be a follow-up so soon. I knew there would be a follow up because when I put the original article on Facebook I had people sharing it all over the place. I knew I had rung some bells, set off some alarms, stirred the pot and opened some doors.
Today I had an interesting conversation with a good friend. She asked me why someone we both know bothers me. I did not even have to think about that answer. I said “Because she is not authentic.” I see through her. She is a clear example of how my narcissism alarm works when it is functioning properly. My alarm goes off with a loud warning sound around anyone who is not authentic. I have an uncanny knack for usually seeing right through these people.
They appear authentic to many of their friends and acquaintances and many times this is because the friends and acquaintances need to be in this person’s circle in life. Let’s examine this more.
There is talking about yourself and then there is non-stop talking about yourself. We all have the ability to discern when someone has gone from “I have wonderful news I want to share” to “I have wonderful news I need to share” and they do it several times a day. (And there is a huge difference between want and need).
Rarely do they allow you to share your wonderful news because it might outshine their wonderful news. See? There is a huge gap in the word authentic when I show you the difference. Real authentic people know how to share news, they talk, then they listen (to your news).
When the talk turns to bragging on a continual basis then you may be listening to or looking at someone with narcissistic traits. They may not be a full-blown person with NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) but they are close.
Sometimes you don’t realize you have been sucked in until it is too late. A true narcissist lacks the ability to empathize with anyone or anything.
For example my latest missed NPD encounter completely lacked empathy. We would go to an event and we would meet women in many different stages of a medical diagnosis. I would talk to her about those that were the most ill, and her response was that being that ill served them. Then she would smile at me and explain what she meant. She would tell me to look at all the attention that person was getting due to their diagnosis or being so sick or possibly dying. Then she would tell me they invite that attention in by having the diagnosis as if they wanted or needed to be ill to feel loved. I drank her Koolaid at first because she had it all down so pat. She is that good. Then I realized she actually cannot stand to be around anyone who gets more attention than she does. That is just wrong, and more than that it is one of the symptoms of NPD. It did not matter to her that these people are sick and dying (lack of empathy) what mattered is they were getting more attention than she was getting. This is truly sad and this is a true narcissist who will never ever change. They can’t.
If you are wondering if there is a person in your life with NPD there are wonderful sites on the web that will practically do the diagnosing for you. Everyone of us has had exposure to a person with NPD at one time or another. If you have a family member with NPD these sites will give you coping mechanisms If you are married to one unless you want to role play the rest of your married life maybe it’s time to really look at how you feel on a daily basis emotionally. There are varying degrees of this diagnosis, get educated, and make sure there are batteries in your NWD (Narcissist Warning Device).