Surviving Being the Convenient Friend Until

Surviving being the convenient friend until a better offer comes along was something that happened to me as a teenager.  Marsha, my “best friend” would make plans with me to go out to our local dance club, to the movies, to dinner, whatever, and if a better offer came a long (a date) I got the phone call that cancelled our plans and was left holding the bag marked “loser”.  It hurt.

Cover of "Loser"

Cover of Loser

I know now that Marsha was not a friend, not a true friend.  Real true friends don’t do this to their friends.  It is a terrible thing to do to anyone because it goes right to the heart of one’s self-esteem.  It is 100% lousy, it is 100% mean, it is 100% crappy, it’s 100% thoughtless.

Many years have passed and wham bam it has happened again.  I opened my heart in friendship to someone I really like a lot and the first time it happened, I actually “called” her on it, and she apologized.  I really appreciated the apology, it meant the world to me.  Life went on and then several times this year we had plans but a better offer came along and I guess I was just supposed to be ok with it.  I wasn’t.  It hurt.  It really hurt.

What’s a more mature woman supposed to do when this happens (again)?   Marsha taught me a huge lesson.  Have more than one friend – simple answer.  I do, and I have a wonderful husband too who encourages me to have girl dates.  I just will pick a different girl from now on it’s all fine because in reality we know who the loser really is, don’t we?

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1 Comment

  • Catherine says:

    Ah, I cannot stand that. As adults, I guess we have the experience to recognize the situation for what it is, as you have done. She might be a nice person to chat with and be around sometimes, but good friends – one you can put on your ‘count on’ list, do not flake out. They just don’t. Don’t take it personally, just realize she isn’t destined to become a bosom buddy and be open to finding someone who is.

    At least, that’s my experience and I think the friends I have now are so very solid. I’m glad to have let go of what wasn’t working.

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