Surviving the energy vampire isn’t easy. By the time your energy vampire has gotten their teeth into you it becomes much more difficult. We try so hard to be good friends, good people, nice people. Sometimes we go to far and we find ourselves staring out of a deep abyss into nothingness after one phone call, one conversation with an energy vampire. We have been sucked dry.
Sound familiar? We usually all have one, or maybe more than one depending on how nice we are.
Energy vampires are victims in life. They ALWAYS have something wrong with them. Sound familiar?
- My migraine kept me up all night/kept me from going to work/sent me to the ER.
- My diverticulitis keeps me in constant pain/on the toilet and nothing happens/prevents me from eating when out with my friends.
- My mother is losing it and needs care but/when is it my turn/why do I have to be the one to handle this/she was a horrible mother
- My husband doesn’t listen to me/asked me to stop talking about all my problems/won’t go to the hospital with me when I have a panic attack
- I have to go to the ER every time I have a panic attack because it could be a heart attack/I really have a crush on the ER doctor/it’s the only way I get attention
- No one from my organization has called me/texted me/emailed me/why?
There are just examples and while some sound off the wall, I have heard every single one of them from different energy vampires.
In the dark ages when we used phones more often we would look at the caller ID and not answer certain phone calls. We all did this. Now we have social media and private messages and we get sucked in because as soon as we open the message the sender knows because they get a check mark so it’s tough to hide there now too.
Years ago I was introduced to someone and warned that there were victim issues but I moved into this friendship arena and eventually over time the fangs came out. I was warned. I realize now that while the people who did the warning still hang in as friends, they do something a lot of us don’t do. Let’s look at these things.
- They take a deep cleansing breath before answering/responding/talking.
- They create a buffer zone where they actually zone out and say the right thing when there is a pause like “OK, then what” or “Uh-Huh” or “Yes.”
- They set boundaries – whew am I guilty of not doing this. Why? I want to help. I get sucked dry because I really want to help.
An energy vampire can really drain you dry after even a brief interaction. You may feel irritated or put upon and your mood may be low for several hours afterwards. There’s nothing you can do to “fix” this person and they are very unlikely to care about your well being. They are likely to be self-centered and self-serving and take more than they give.
Now what? We all probably understand what happens to us when we have an energy vampire attached to us but how do we effectively slay one? Garlic and crosses are not going to work in this case.
Energy vampires are setting you up to exploit you in whichever way best suits their purposes later. What seems quite innocent at first, they are just so friendly.
Get rid of them. End the relationship (there isn’t a relationship there so walk away). Stop answering the call, ignore them. Or be bold enough to tell them or be a chicken poop like me and let someone else (another energy vampire at a higher level) tell them you are not a nice person.
Just get out for your own sanity.
A very good friend of mine who is a retired Catholic priest spoke up when I asked about victims and this is what he said:
” It has to do with the stories we tell about ourselves that gain us attention, sympathy, and a basic kind of affirmation that we have some value that has not been noticed. The pattern then becomes a habit as the friends we choose feed off our energy and we off theirs.”
AND then he said this:
“It produces brain chemistry that is pleasurable. They feel good feeling bad. They also fail to feel gratitude for the good because they are convinced that any good they receive is fleeting or will be taken away because they don’t think they deserve it. Victims ultimately do not love themselves.”
The sad part in all of this is that my former energy vampire sings the praises of everyone in her life except herself.
I had to make myself tone deaf- trust me it works.