March 11 2010

I do not get sick very often.  I have not thrown up in years till last night that is.  I did have a round of bronchitis 2 years ago that put me flat on my back in bed for about 5 days.

It pisses me off to be sick in bed.  I have things to do.  I have a house to keep clean, blogs to write, tweets to twitter, FB to update, two businesses to stay on top of, and more. 

Then as I lie here in a pity party I always find myself remembering that the way I feel right now is nothing compared to what people who are REALLY sick feel.  That’s called an attitude adjustment.  I bring myself out of my pity party and just lie here waiting for this virus to take off out of me and leave me alone.

Having been an Oncology nurse I have seen patients in the ravages of chemo therapy induced illness.   I get a miniscule idea of how they really feel with alternate bouts of vomiting and diarrhea.

I chastise myself because whatever I have is momentary and I should feel a lot better tomorrow.

When I do get sick though I am reminded my body is starting to show signs of wearing down.  I have aches and pains and morning stiffness I never had before.  I have a bladder that doesn’t behave all the time, and I was recently diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes.  Yes things are wearing down.  I also know I live in an awesome time if incredible medical discoveries.  I know that my mother was so much older when she was my age.  I know I am not 45, but I don’t look my age either.  However I have been through age discrimination.

It is a blow to your brain to realize that you body is trying to end your life.  I dealt with that feeling once before with breast cancer almost 17 years ago.  Diabetes is another reminder that 100 years ago I would have gone undiagnosed and died an early death.

My genetic health report card spells out that I have many different auto-immune diseases.  At age 40 my thyroid jumped ship, at age 46 my stomach no longer absorbed B-12 another auto-immune process.  Now Type 2 Diabetes has happened one more auto-immune process.  There are worse.  I can be thankful for that.

This year I had the BRCA 1 and BRCA 2 genetic testing for breast and ovarian cancer.  I was so relieved to find out I did not carry the mutation meaning I cannot pass on a gene to my children.  How do you spell relief?  Get the test, but relief was short-lived because Type 2 Diabetes is genetic.  My father had it.  My mother’s brother had it.  Uh oh.

I got it even though I am weight and height proportionate, and work out regularly.  Now I take medication and I know eventually I could need more medication.

Decidedly it is better to know than not know, but yes being sick is very humbling.  Especially when I learned that a dear friend’s sister died today from a very rare cancer, and it wasn’t a pleasant death.

Tomorrow when I wake I will take a shower and probably feel almost back to normal for now.  I do not expect my number to be punched in the near future.  I just realize this is the beginning of other things that will happen and I will have to learn to accept the changes and deal with them as they come.

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

I am so sorry I have been quiet for so long BUT I am back.  I had to really do some deep thinking about topics I have talked about, topics I have not talked about and what to do about that.

I will play a little catch up here.  Larry’s breast lump seems to be getting smaller.  He had a second mammogram and ultrasound and will return again in about 5 weeks to see if it is smaller still.  We are breathing easier.

We attended the grand opening of the Women’s Gynecological Center at Moffitt Cancer Ctr and it was a wonderful evening.  I was very impressed with all the clinical trials going on here in our town. 

Me, it is time for my annual mammogram and office visit tomorrow – of course I get a little nervous – you just never know what will show up.  Thankfully I get the results the same day.

I have been sitting back letting strange news, political moves, celebrity gossip and more wash over my brain for a while now and I realized I need to capture those random thoughts and do a Thumb’s up, Thumb’s Down post to lump these thoughts and put them into cyber space.

However I am shocked at two things in the health care field.  The first one is the woman in NY who was abandoned by her neurosurgeon in the operating room.  I smell a bad fishy odor here and a lawsuit.  I read the article in the NY Daily News this morning. 

The other thing is all this salt in our restaurant food.  Do they add all this salt to make the food taste better thereby generating more business?  I am shocked.  Shocked because of the impact this has on the elderly – many of whom go to dinner at these restaurants 2-3 times a week.

I am 100% behind the movement in Washington DC to make it a law that nutritional information needs to be disclosed.  No moaning and groaning please.  I have software that does that for me with any recipe I use.  I bought it when Larry first had his heart glitch and it breaks it all down just like a food label.

Other than these two opinions I will move on and address other feelings in my usual posts – starting soon.

I want to leave this post on a high note with a story here in Seminole, Florida about a 3 year old girl who climbed in an above ground pool and was rescued by a little boy, Tyler, and given CPR by her mom.  Tyler, when interviewed, said he was “scared to death” and her lips were purple.  That sweet brave little boy-there is a lifetime bond for sure.

Meantime I am back and I promise to get some hearts and blood pressures going again as well as some brains!

PS Our Governor Crist just announced he will run for the vacant Senate seat here in Florida in 2010-he wants the White House!

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

It pinched.  Maybe twice, is what he said.  I know we all have a different tolerance for pain, and men are allegedly the stronger sex-yeah right go have a baby with full blown hard labor and we will know who is stronger.

The aftermath and end result is we are still in the dark.  We had a long talk with the radiologist who read his mammograms and ultrasound and her best advice is good advice but hard to hear.  We are in a holding pattern for 30 days.  At the end of that time Larry will have another mammogram and the films will be compared for size of the mass.  If it has diminished in size then it is probably a hematoma.

That doesn’t explain why a hematoma is present though.  She did tell us that a cancerous tumor can cause a blood vessel to rupture so that could explain the bruising he has now.

If it is the same size it is probably a sebaceous cyst or fatty tumor.  If it is bigger – well we don’t want to think about it.

Basically unless it decreases in size he will need a biopsy.

So we wait. 

I have had to wait before with my breast cancer and it is not fun.  I had to wait through 2 breast MRI exams two years ago and sweated those results.

We live in a “have it now” world – we do not want to wait.  Waiting sucks.

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

Funny how things affect you when things are crazy in your life.  Larry just marches on.  Me I think I have a bleeding ulcer. That is what my stomach has felt like now for the second day.

I asked Larry what his thoughts are and he said “Positive like they were with my heart procedure years ago.”  He was positive then, no doubt about it.  He laid there in the ER accepting the news he was not going home and just went with it.  Me, I would have been hanging from the IV pole.

The next day when they took him down to do the cardiac catheterization again he was fine.  Me, I was calling in every favor I could from God.

In the middle of this procedure his Cardiologist called me to the procedure room.  This is not normal, I thought he had arrested.  No, Dr, Gandhi wanted to talk to me about Larry’s blockage and the fact the FDA had just approved the newest stents which were drug eluting and if he stopped the procedure now Larry could come back on Monday and do this all again.

Larry was semi-conscious and we agreed to stop the procedure and go with the new stent on Monday.

I may be an RN, and I may have held beating hearts in my hands or had my hands deep inside someones belly trying to stop the bleeding of a gunshot wound; however this was my husband lying on the procedure table with bloody drapes at his groin and I was scared.

Brave Larry went back on Monday, they completed the angioplasty of his LAD (which in non-medical terms is called the widow maker because that is where most heart attacks happen) and he has been fine since.

I probably get more nervous because I do know too much and also because my lump did not turn out to be nothing.

Two hours from now he will be in the mammogram suite, and I will be in the waiting room, scared.  He will also probably be the only male patient today in the breast center.  I have given him his instructions and thye inhclude not leaving not knowing.  He just wants to have them take it out and figure it out.  I am with him on that.

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

I will not beat around the bush.  I will not sugar coat this in any way at all.  My husband has a lump in his left breast.  He found it while drying off from his morning shower on Wednesday morning and never said a damn word to me all day. 

When he walked in the door at almost 7PM that night he had this look on his face I have seen before.  He barely said a word-and I thought “Oh shit he has lost his job.”  I asked him that immediately and he just held his finger up as in “one moment please” unbuttoned his shirt and put my fingers on a lump.  A big lump, not a little lump, but a big one.

I am sure I stopped breathing.  I took him into the bathroom where I could see his chest better.  I did notice some bruising close to this lump and we had worked hard the previous weekend so of course it could be a hematoma, but still, as a 16 year survivor who is heavily vested in breast cancer, I thought “Oh shit, now what?”

Being that it was after office hours there was nothing I could do, but I was on the phone first thing in the morning.  I called our primary physician and got an appointment on Friday morning.  Our doctor is a friend, in fact I grew up with his family in a suburb of Cleveland, small world.

Brian examined Larry, and said “You need a mammogram.  In fact you need a spot specific mammogram and probably and Ultrasound.” 

We live in a small rural area, and while we do have local imaging facilities, as far as Larry’s health is concerned I wanted the big guns.  I called H. Lee Moffitt Cancer Institute and attempted to make an appointment.  The chickadee on the other end said “I am not sure if I can make him one here at the breast center or if he has to go to Lifetime Cancer Screening to have this done.”  She was supposed to call me back.  4 hours passed and I called Lifetime Cancer Screening read them the order for the tests and lo and behold she said “He needs to be seen at Moffitt (I knew that) and made him an appointment immediately.

I go to Moffitt annually.  One of the newest and best breast cancer research doctors and breast surgeons is my very own doctor.  Where else would I be taking Larry???

He has no problem telling people he needs a diagnostic mammogram.  He has told his company, he has told friends, he says the words like they are nothing.  I asked him if he is scared because he is not showing it, and he is, Larry never shows it.  I am terrified.  I know too much.  I have been through too much.  I am not sleeping.  I sneak off into a corner of the house and cry at times.  I am scared.  I remember all too well how I felt when I got the news that I had microcalcifications in my breast and needed a biopsy. 

My personal trainer’s husband had a mastectomy, his lesion was benign.  A friend we caught up with yesterday at the Arts in the Garden at EPCOT told us her brother had a double mastectomy and his tumors were benign.

I pray Larry’s turns out the same.  But you never know and that is why I have decided to write about this in our lives.  Not only is writing very therapeutic for me, but I try to write to be informative to the public.

My family arrives later this week and I am so glad they will be here because I need them right now.  My son and Larry are very close.  And by the time they get here it may be all over and good news.

Then I will break out a very good bottle of the bubbly-we only drink very good bottles of the bubbly here -and we will celebrate life.

I cannot stress this enough now-any woman over 40 knows that they should have a baseline mammogram. I never stop preaching about that.  Men, a lump in your breast is nothing to take a “wait and see” attitude about.  Men do get breast cancer and a man dies daily of the disease.  I know that we women top the stats in this disease but men need to be on alert also.

I will continue to write about our adventures in mammogram land as we know more.

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

The following is a joke that appeared in my email in box on Sunday and I thought it was an appropriate way to talk about what really matters.  I will continue  this thought line after the joke.

Here’s something to think about. I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing ‘fairly well’ for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking him, ‘Do you think I’ll live to be 90?’

He asked, ‘Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?’ ‘No,’ I replied. ‘I’m not doing drugs, either!’ Then he asked, ‘Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?’ I said, ‘No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!’ Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?’ ‘No, I don’t,’ I said. He asked, ‘Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?’ ‘No,’ I said.

He looked at me and said,…. ‘Then, why do you even give a shit?’

Me again, good question right?  The bottom line is in making decisions about a new beginning, you have to make decisions you can live with.  The key word in that sentence is ‘live’ and I am the first person to tell you I do modify suggestions.  I have even modified suggestions from physicians in my past.

For example when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer my physician got all up tight about the potential effects of drinking alcohol.  Alcohol can allegedly increase the risk of getting breast cancer again.  I thought about it, read the research and drank my wine probably while reading it.  I did not stress out over it.  I did not stress out over it again when it made headlines last year. 

Enter my insulin resistance problem 4 years ago.  I was told lose 5-10% of my body weight, exercise daily, and eat the right carbs.  I did what I was told.

Everything was fine and dandy.  I trained and walked in the 3-Day.  I lost about 7 pounds and I was wearing a size I like to wear then whammo.  I got hit with an injury and elective surgery.  I was not able to work out, and while my eating did not change, my weight did.  Over a 4 month period of recuperation I gained 10 pounds.  I hated myself.  Since then I have gained another 10 pounds and I can’t stand those 20 pounds.

I talked to a nutritionist and did find out I was not eating enough – surprised me, might surprise you to find that out too. What really surprised me was that I learned my protein and carbs were low too.  If you do not eat enough your metabolism slows down. 

I keep a food journal and try to get most of my needs met by my afternoon snack because I don’t usually eat a lot at dinner.  I also graze, I eat 5 meals a day and I always begin each one with a protein source now.

Fiber – no one really likes it, but I get mine in All Bran and strawberries for breakfast and I add Benecol to my veggie juice.  It is tasteless and doesn’t get thick like those other fiber drinks.  Fiber keeps you feeling fuller longer and controls blood sugar spikes.

There are changes we can live with – and adjustments can be made to almost any suggestion given you to start your new beginning.

Today at the gym I spoke with the manager about these 20 pounds I need to lose.  We sat down in his office and he told me that losing weight is always a combination of muscle and fat.  So in losing 20 pounds I am only going to lose 10 in the fat department.  That was a downer for me because I know that I have that much to lose in my abdomen alone.

I asked him how I could speed that up, and we looked at the routine I had originally thought would work.  Guess what? I have to triple up and spend more time there.  I knew that, I was looking for the easy way out. 

This was a suggestion I have to accept if I want to not only lose the 20 pounds but also gain the strength I need to walk in this years 3 Day event.  I cannot modify this one.  Dammit!

If I worked out 8 hours a day like they do on the TV show The Biggest Loser then I could lose it all in one week and probably be in the ER!

Life style changes are not easy.  If they were people would not break their resolutions every year. 

I was a smoker.  I had to use Zyban to stop.  Not everyone can take Zyban.  It worked for me but I had to take it for a full year.  One of the other benefits I received from taking Zyban was it lifted my mood.  I lived in the cold damp midwest and had never realized I was affected by the lack of sunshine. 

I continued on a low dose anti-depressant until we moved to Florida.  I took one life style change (quitting cigarettes) and found out I needed a pharmaceutical boost to get through winter.  Life style changes can be rewarding or have hidden benefits.

Today I tested my blood sugar two hours after drinking my 8 servings of veggies from my juicer and my protein.  I was so surprised at my results that I ran the test again.  Anyone who is insulin resistant or has a diagnosis of diabetes knows that the desirable blood sugar reading 2 hours after eating should be less than 130.  Mine was 90.

I know that I am getting great benefits from juicing.  It already shows.  I have been at this now for a week and I lost 2 pounds.

I think most people should have a buddy – someone that you can trust to encourage you.  Too many times family members sabotage your efforts and you don’t need that!

 All I know is I want to be here for a while yet and since I am aging, I want to be able to do as much as I can as I age.  I would love to be the 83 year old water skier I saw on TV this weekend, but I think I will stick to being an older 3 Day walker.

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

The placebo effect is an amazing psychological happening.  It doesn’t happen because you make a list of all the wonderful healthy new things you are going to do, or the changes you are going to make in your life.  Making a list of goals is not a placebo.  I have a goal list from last year that has 5 goals.  I accomplished 3.  When I made the list I felt good but that feeling did not last like the effect of a placebo do.

No the placebo effect kicks in when you actually are doing something that is good for you and you automatically feel better.  For me it started with juicing.  I started juicing (finally) on a consistent basis last week and I do feel better.

I sleep better.  I have more energy and when the advocates of juicing tell you that you will be cleansed, they know what they speak of believe me.

Being that I have a problem with insulin resistance which means that I am close to being a Type 2 diabetic I do not juice fruits.  Carrots and beets have sugar and I watch how much of them I put through this wonderful machine.

However when I look at the amounts of veggies I have added to my diet I know it is more than a placebo effect.  I have tried all different types of combinations and I always go back to a tomato based juice.  It is like making your own V-8 without the preservatives. 

By the time I make my creation I have used 5-6 servings of veggies which usually yields about 16 ounces.  I drink it over ice because it is not really cold and yes I have to add a little non-salt seasoning but all in all I have enjoyed every single sip.  I did have to get past the funny colors-Larry said it looks like swamp water. Does not stop him from trying it though.

It will be interesting to see what my lab results are when I go for my 3 month A1c level.  That is a lab test that can actually look at all the red cells (which have a lifespan of 90 days) and come up with an average level of how your blood sugar has been doing.  Mine runs 5.4 which translates into an average blood sugar of 111.

That is excellent.  Normal fasting blood glucose depends on the lab you go to but let’s say for arguments sake 60-90 is within normal limits.  I test with a meter usually 3 times a week and I am well controlled with diet and exercise.

That is one of the goals I achieved from 08.  I said I would control this shift in my body with diet and exercise and I did.

Now comes the exercise part.  I do feel better after exercising – even though I hurt (still).  I do have more energy, I know I am helping my heart, helping to prevent many cancers, extending my range of motion, adding years to my life and increasing blood flow to my brain to keep my neurons firing as they should be firing.

However, I am a klutz in the gym.  I actually took Larry with me today because I do not know how to use some of the circuit machines.  He helped me adjust seating, weights and resistance and I took notes.  The neurons may be firing but it has been three years since I last trained for the Breast Cancer 3 Day walk and cross training is encouraged.  Of course I am saying to myself “Why did you ever stop?”  Who knows, I dumbed away that’s for sure.

I did not stop working out, I just used the treadmill here at home, added some Pilates, and free weights.  For the walk I have agreed to do I need to build more strength and this time the goal is to keep doing it.

Last time I walked we left for California on vacation one week later.  When we were hiking in Big Bear Mountain all that training helped me pace myself.  This year we will be heading out to California again – this time to San Diego and there will be walking involved especially at the San Diego Zoo which we love to walk through especially with all those hills.

We all know that diet and exercise are important.  Before Larry had his little heart incident he always said ” I don’t have time to exercise.”  Hah, was he ever wrong.  After his little heart incident he was thrown into cardiac rehab, and he is a good boy most of the time still doing all his cardio work outs.  That was actually Larry’s new beginning.  I just don’t think we should all wait around for a health scare to make us sit up and take notice.

Diet and exercise – three dirty words to many of us, yet three words that can help us all begin to take charge of our health.

I am here to tell you that you have to do it, no one likes it, well maybe some people do, but all in all anything the requires work is just that – work.  Nothing wrong with working at something to achieve a goal.  I am not a believer in bariatric surgery as a solution.  Going that route requires such monumental life style changes.  To me it just is not something I would be able to put my body through.

If getting healthier, leaner and meaner is on your list of what you want for 2009, you can have your new beginning, every day is a new beginning.  You just have to do it.  I know it is hard work, but the results are so rewarding. 

This is your chance to change your life-one step and one bite at a time.

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

Obviously this is not something we get up and think about the minute our feet hit the floor.  Most of us rarely consider this but the truth of the matter is that there are people living right now who think about this every day because they only have 2 months left to live.

Is it better knowing or is it better not knowing?  My thoughts on that is I would want to know.  I look at it as a gift of time to use wisely with family and friends.  The gift of time to prepare is something I would want.  But, and there is always a “but” then you always have a “date” in mind and every 24 hours you draw closer to that date.  It is a very difficult answer to give.

When I first went to work in nursing I remember one of the interns saying “If I were diagnosed with terminal cancer I would want one round of chemo and then I would live my life to its fullest as long as I could.” 

When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer I attended a special cancer event that the hospital had put together.  It was a walk and involved an overnight.  One particular woman was in a wheel chair being pushed along the way by a friend.  I had a chance to talk to her at a rest stop.  I knew she was unfortunately losing her battle.  I asked her why she was participating and she told me “I am living my dying.”  Her words are always in the forefront of my memory.

I still stick with my answer, I would want to know and like this woman I would live my dying.  There are things I need to say to people and keeling over with a heart attack would rob me of that chance. 

What if YOU only had 2 months left to live?  What would you do with that time?

Bookmark It

Hide Sites